Villain

For the past couple of months, I've been wondering if I'm the villain.

Why? Because four men have blocked me in three months.

Now, I'm not the one to care too much about what men do, or say, or their feelings for that matter. But my most recent block came from someone I really loved. That's when I started thinking: if four men can block me in such a short time, maybe I'm the common denominator. Perhaps I'm the problem.

Surely I must be the problem, right?

"Damn, what did I do to make these men that mad?"

That question sent me spiraling. I started asking everyone: my friends, cousins, brother, and mother, "Am I evil? Or are these men just painting me as the villain?"

Because seriously, why would they all block me? What did I, Junnie Campbell, do to deserve that? After months of asking myself what's wrong with me, I finally realized the truth:

It's my mouth.

I talk too damn much.

I've always had something to say, whether people like it or not, I'll say it. And that's what these men hate.

They want a Barbie. Pretty, quiet, and agreeable.

Well, I might look like a Barbie, but I don't keep my mouth shut like one.

That's when the switch flips, every single time.

It really had me thinking about my past, when I was the "problem child." The one who got in trouble for everything. The kid pastors had to pray for. The little girl who always felt outcast. The one who got scolded for correcting adults, not because I was wrong, but because the truth wasn't supposed to come from a child's mouth.

Man A

Still in love with his ex. His response game was trash. I talked to him about it, and he didn't change. Then, he got mad when he found out I had started seeing someone else and even ended up in a relationship.

 Somehow, I became the villain. The "evil b." And guess what? Blocked.

Man B

Blocked me because I wasn't the innocent, bubbly girl he thought I was.

While dating me, he still talked to his ex and assumed I would continue to "drop" my morals for him. Or assume. I wouldn't say anything.

 I did. Loudly. Cussed him out.

 And you guessed it, blocked.

Man C

Every day, he'd DM me. Over and over. It got so annoying that I finally said, "Stop fucking messaging me."

He blocked me.

Thank you, Lord.

Man D

Okay, this one's fair. I wrote about him here on this very blog, using code names and everything, but he still recognized himself. I took the post down once he told me he was uncomfortable, so I get why he's mad.

However, I still have every right to be upset about our breakup. He couldn't understand that following a bunch of women on Instagram is disrespectful and lustful. Even though he refused to change, I still wanted to be with him and still tried, even though this was a topic I knew he would never budge on. Now, he blames me, as if he acted as if there was no cause and effect.

So here's the thing: all those men did something that made me react.

And instead of taking accountability, they blocked me.

I'm not the villain.

I refuse to sit back and take BS from anyone.

And I'm done.

Done apologizing.

Done questioning myself.

If being the effect of their cause makes me the villain,

Then so be it.

I am the villain.