I Finally Understand Why God Didn’t Let It Work

I finally understand why God didn’t let him and me work out. Not only were we two twenty-somethings who had never had a real relationship or known what it truly meant to love and be loved, but we also just didn’t match.

There was no true compatibility.

Yeah, we liked each other and had strong feelings, even love, but that’s not what it takes to sustain a relationship. Our key foundation was missing: understanding.

I felt misunderstood, even when it came to the simplest things. He didn’t understand my ways, whether it was my accent, my interests like K-pop, or the fact that I had a completely different childhood from his.

He made it a point to argue and contradict everything I said. It was like fighting a losing battle; there was no winning with him. I held back to keep the peace.

I kept quiet and made myself small. I became the trophy he wanted me to be.

He wasn’t the first person I wanted to run to when I had good news. I hid. I kept secrets. I didn’t feel safe enough to be my authentic self. And when I needed him the most, he wasn’t there.

So why did I fight and pray to God, begging for reconciliation with a union that brought me so much anxiety and tears? Of course, it wasn’t going to work. Because when I’m painted and labeled as a controlling dictator for expressing my boundaries, I become the villain.

No matter how many times we tried, we simply didn’t fit together, so we weren’t meant to work. We were built on familiarity, delusion, and a hint of trauma.

God is saving me for someone who understands me and never asks me to shrink to fit, so we weren’t meant to work.

I have stopped hoping, wanting, or yearning for reconciliation, because now I understand.